Friday Five

1. I'm leaving for college on Sunday! This year is going to be so different, I actually know what I'm doing now (to a point). I'll have my car with me, too, so hopefully I'll get to know my way around the area a little better. I'm just hoping to not spend as much time sitting in my room this year. I spent so much time watching netflix last year...whoops! Hopefully I won't add too much to my addictive world of Friday Night Lights/Downton Abbey/Avatar: The Last Airbender.

2. Speaking of college, I still have a lot of packing to do. I do have a lot of my clothes packed, and much of my stuff is already in my new apartment, but there's still a sizable amount of work left. I can probably finish it in an evening, I'm just not looking forward to it at all. I've been putting it off until the last minute, and it's definitely getting down to it. My family is going shopping about an hour out of town tomorrow, to fill in some gaps in my wardrobe before I go back to school, so I guess I'll just have to get it all together when we get home, or Sunday morning/early afternoon before I leave.

3. Last night, I fell asleep in my clothes, with the lights on, curled up on the only empty spot on my bed amid a sea of clothes, books, and who knows what else. It really wasn't that, I don't think it was 3 am yet. I don't know if it means I'm sleep-deprived, or maybe I was just really tired last night. I don't feel quite that tired yet tonight, so maybe I'll actually make it into bed like a normal person before I pass out!

4. My boyfriend was driving me home tonight and we got to talking about ghosts and demons and Paranormal Activity. I've never actually seen it, and I kind-of-want-to-and-kind-of-don't, in one of those ways where I feel like I should see it because everyone has and it's so scary and good and blah blah blah, but I don't actually want to see it and get the shit scared out of me. We got into believing in demonic powers and stuff like that, Jim said that he doesn't like it because he doesn't like things that he can't fight back against. I just don't like it, don't like thinking about it. It freaks me out a little bit. I actually think that it's one thing that's kind of drawn me back to religion in the last year or two, which I guess might sound a little ridiculous, but I'm going on the basis that if I believe in one, the other just comes along too, hand-in-hand, right? It also makes me feel a little bit safer. If I'm afraid that the scary things might get me, it feels a little bit better to believe too that something opposite might be able to save me.

5. Sometimes I kind of wish that I had kept up with the guitar lessons that I took when I was 14. I wasn't great, I was hardly good, but I knew the notes and some chords and I could learn when I practiced. Softball got in the way though, and I quit lessons saying that I would go back in the summer, although of course I never did. Now my guitar sits locked away in its case at the foot of my bed, staring at me when I walk past. Maybe I could go back to it, but I almost feel like if I do, it'll be a bit along the track that "playing guitar makes you cool". Not that I even think that way, but my boyfriend is in a band and all of his friends are music-proficient, and I would just feel a lot like I was learning to play so that I could fit in, or because I was inspired by their band or something. Not that that would be a bad thing I guess, but it's not even close to the truth, and I know that I shouldn't care what it looks like anyway, I just can't help it. Oh well. Maybe my sister will use it someday, she wants to learn. I guess we'll see.

Deep Creek Lake, 2012

1. My family has owned a house at Deep Creek Lake since the late 1960's, it's always one of my favorite summer vacation spots.

2. We're not actually supposed to have a hammock, according to the DNR, because it's hung between trees and not from a frame. It's been there for decades though, so no one is exactly rushing to take it down now. When my cousins and I were little, it was always a fight to see who would get to lay on it, and then all of the other kids would push it as high as it could go. Now I'm pretty content with just using it to read or listen to music.

3. Our house is on a road that circles back on itself, so we always take walks "around the loop".

4. My cousin and I found this on one of the walks. The only thing I could think of was maybe it was part of a pinata or something (or that it's out to scare away all of the bears that have been around this summer!).

5. The sun sets over the lake, right across from our house. I try to get a picture every year.

6. This used to be a golf course, I think. It's down the road from my house, and then down another road, then through a little bit of woods. Now it's all tall grass, trees, and wildflowers. I have no idea who cuts the paths through it, but I'm glad that they do.

7. This is back in the old golf course, too. You can always hear all kinds of frogs and stuff around here, and sometimes you can see big birds like herons. I found this massive crayfish once, too.

8. Reading on the dock is one of my favorite things to do.

9. Every Saturday, there's a sailboat race out on the lake. It's cool to watch for a while, but it actually gets kind of annoying after a while when you want to go out in a speed boat. We tried to go tubing on Saturday but we couldn't keep the tube afloat and we kept getting in around sailboats so we ended up just going on a long boat ride to the dam and back instead.

10. Canada geese basically took over the lake by the end of the week.

Thoughts On Moving

Today my parents and I moved my stuff from my old apartment into my new apartment. The new room is definitely a bit smaller than the old one, and I no longer have a walk-in closet, oh woe is me especially now that I have my own bathroom (walk-in closet trade for my own bathroom = first world problems). My new view is better, and my window is bigger. Now instead of showcasing Route 1 and having a great view of the McDonald's across the street, my room overlooks the creek behind my building, the bridge onto campus, and I can see all the way to the Comcast Center. I won't have loud traffic noise all night, and the sun won't rise to my window every morning. I think this is definitely a trade-up. The rent is cheaper, too. And my new building is the one that actually has the pool and the gym in it. I had access to them last year too, but being as lazy as I am, I rarely actually used them because it would require me to walk twenty feet between buildings. Now I don't have that problem, I only have to brave the elevator and a walk down a few hallways. We'll see if I can make the journey as the year goes on.

As much as I like traveling and packing things up for trips, it turns out that I do not especially like moving. It's a lot of work, and I never really know where to start. Luckily though at least it ends up with me being able to organize a new room and create a new cozy setting for the next year (and maybe a few years after that if I decide to stay in the same apartment!). I've already started a shopping list for things that I need to get for my new place, i.e. shower curtain, white party lights, picture frames, curtains, pillows, cork board (and kind of a shit ton more, too). I'll only have a week to get everything done when we get back from the lake [incidentally, I'm leaving tomorrow and won't really have internet access, so I'll probably be back with a post around next Sunday!], so hopefully I'll be able to fit it all in.

One thing that did particularly bother me about moving was the fact that because I was the last of four people to move out of my old apartment, I ended up being stuck with everything that my roommates left behind. I had to get rid of all of the food that had been left behind, and sort through the kitchen stuff like spoons, pots, and pans. Some of it I actually ended up just leaving in the apartment, because I had no use for it and nobody seemed to claim it. I ended up with some new cooking utensils and pans though. Stuff like that kind of bothers me, because I know that if it had been any one of them as the last one, they probably wouldn't have wanted to deal with the leftovers, either. I can understand too when you might not remember bringing something, but obviously it has to belong to someone, and it's not mine, so somebody has to own up to it. But nobody does. I'm pretty sure one of them moved out with my colander, too, which really isn't that big a deal, just in principle. People should have more respect for the property of others, and for the time that other people may have to spend taking care of what gets left in the end.

Friday Five

I've decided to start making a "Friday Five" post (just like Sarah Dessen, because I'm a fan and a thief) as a way to try to keep some kind of consistent post schedule, for at least once a week. It's also kind of funny that I'm deciding this now, considering the fact that next Friday I won't even have internet access so I won't be able to post at all, but I'll get to that in a bit. So here we go, the first ever Friday Five!

1. Tomorrow my parents and I are driving two hours to College Park - Dad wants to leave at 8 am so that'll be an interesting, and probably sleepy, trip - to move my stuff from my old apartment to my new apartment. I'm staying in the same complex, but moving from the View II building into the View I. I'm kind of excited, because I might meet some of my new roommates tomorrow, but in all I don't think it's going to be very eventful. I'll move my kitchen stuff, my winter clothes, things from my bedroom, and then we'll just get back in the car and drive home. I'll probably use tomorrow to get things set up just how I want them, furniture in the right place and everything, but I won't completely move in until the last weekend in August when I go back for the school year. It'll be cool to see the layout of my new apartment though, and my new bedroom!

2. After we move into my new apartment tomorrow, we're coming home, loading up the car, and driving another hour to Deep Creek Lake for a week-long vacation. I'm definitely excited for this one, because I've only been to the lake once this summer and I'm looking forward to getting to spend time with my family and relax before school starts up again. I'll share a room with my sister and our cousins, and I'll have plenty of time to swim, take walks, and catch up on my reading. That's one thing that I'm really looking forward to, having more time to read. I won't have internet access while I'm there, besides what I can get on my phone, so there won't be any distractions while we're there. I can't wait!

3. My parents had a patio put on our house in our backyard, and the construction workers just finished a few days ago. It isn't really big (considering our backyard is about the size of a match box) but it looks really nice. It's all brick, with a wall around it that's built so you can sit on it. There's a walkway that goes through the yard and connects to the walkway at the side of the house, and when we get back from the lake landscapers are going to come in and put in lots of flowers and a tree. My parents are really excited, they've wanted something like this for a long time. I really like it too, ever since we had an addition put on the back of the house when I was about 13, we haven't had a porch or really anywhere to sit in the backyard. Now there's a place to sit out, enjoy the sun, and read a good book or take a nap.

4. I really need to sort through my clothes and try to clean up my room. I don't think I really have too many clothes, but I know that I have a lot that I don't wear anymore, so I need to go through it, get rid of what I don't wear or that doesn't fit, and then count my losses and see what I need to get to replenish my wardrobe. I'm probably not going to buy much anymore this year, especially because the most that I'll be getting rid of is tank tops and tee shirts, so I'll just buy more next year since this summer will be over soon. I'm almost a hoarder with clothes, I keep things that I know I don't wear, "just in case" I ever need it for some certain situation. It's kind of ridiculous, really. I just need to get rid of it all, and also keep in mind when I'm shopping not to buy things that I can't see myself wearing a lot. There's no point in wasting money on clothes that I won't wear enough to warrant actually buying it.

5. My dad is the big gardener in our family, and he loves filling the flower beds in the backyard every spring. This year he planted one bed to be Maryland themed, right down to the Black-Eyed Susans (our state flower). I think it's pretty cool, not only because I go to the University of Maryland, but also because I just think that the Maryland flag is so cool, and the colors look great together. Some of the flowers are starting to wilt, so I made sure to instagram a shot of them before they're gone for the season!

Time Flies

My internship has officially been over for about a week and a half, and I have about two weeks of summer left. It's kind of crazy.

I'm really not all that sad or upset about my summer not having so much of the "vacation" part as it has in the past 18 years. I'm looking forward to school starting again, but I'm also worrying about the people that I will miss. I've barely seen one of my cousins, Emily, at all this summer, but that will be remedied when she comes with my family to Deep Creek Lake next week. That'll definitely be strange, to have barely seen her at all to being with her for a week and then to having one more week until I'm back at school and we don't see each other anymore. And then there's Jim. The boyfriend. We made it through last school year ok and then the first two months of this summer. We actually didn't even see each other as much as I would have liked for my first week back, but we've been together for a lot of the last couple of days, and I know that I'm getting re-attached. After we get back from the lake, I'll only have one more week to spend with him before I go back to school. I know it's probably harder for him when I leave, not to sound conceited but it's just different. When I leave, he's the one still at home, used to me being around, while I'm going somewhere where I'm not used to seeing him all the time so it's just a different kind of missing-him. I got to experience his end when his band went on tour earlier this year. For the few days that he was gone, I was constantly thinking "oh Jim would like this, we should go there tonight" or "I should see if Jim wants to come over and make s'mores tonight" and then remembering that he wasn't there to come see me. It definitely wasn't a good feeling, and I wish that he didn't have to experience it when I leave.

This summer has definitely been a new thing, all in all. I think I've grown up this summer, I think I've changed. Not a lot, not necessarily in very obvious ways, but on the edges, in little pieces on the inside. I think I can take care of myself a little better now. I think I know myself better, and I've opened the window a tiny bit more on what I might want out of independent life. I'm glad that this summer played out the way it did. I needed it, and I am grateful for it.

Now I just have two weeks left until my sophomore year in college starts!

The Warren

I took my sister to her first local show tonight. It was actually my first show this summer, which felt kind of funny because there was a show probably every weekend last summer. Things this year are different, but not in a bad way. Maybe it would feel too much, to have a summer again just like last year. Anyway, I took Claire to her first one tonight. She's 14, and I think I was around her age when I went to my first show. I didn't really get into the local scene until the last year and a half or so, but I had at least been to a few shows before then. I love the fact that local shows exist, that you can go hang out in some guy's hot basement with a bunch of your friends and listen to someone who's almost-good on guitar and who can almost-sing lead his band that can play almost-well and just have a great fucking time. Sometimes my life feels like an indie movie, I'm that hipster-ish girl who lives in the small, quaint town, hanging out downtown and going to diners in the middle of the night and watching local bands play crappy shows. I love it. I love being able to go between the city and my hometown, I love when my life is interesting. But it wasn't always interesting. I didn't start "figuring out my life" until I was about 16. I didn't know who my friends really were, I didn't have any sense of personal style, I didn't know how to wear my makeup. I just really didn't know what was going on at all. That's ok though, you're really not supposed to know what's going on when you're only 16. That's just when you start figuring it out. It doesn't have to be that way when you're the younger sibling though. That's what I'm here for, I guess, paving the way for my younger sister. Helping her figure out what clothes flatter her body type, what makeup she should use to go with her Irish ginger looks, letting her try out words like "fuck" and "shit" when she gets angry. I took her to a show tonight partly because we were hanging out anyway and that's where my friends were, but I really just wanted to get her out there, hold her hand in the deep water where I had to jump in alone. I wanted to help her start figuring things out, where she wants to hang out, who she wants to be friends with, what kind of "scene" does she want to immerse herself in.

I don't even completely know where I'm going with this, and I feel like this post is a little bit all over the place, but it's late and I just painted my nails and I'm going to an amusement park tomorrow so I don't care.

Fake Adventures and Long-Not-Long Nights.

Background to today's story: When I get overtired, I basically turn into an infant. I start feeling sick, and I start to cry and basically completely break down and can barely function. It's happened a few times before, mainly when I've stressed myself out way too much about finals, and another time after I stayed up for about 25 hours straight after a lock-in. This past Sunday and Monday nights I only got 3 hours of sleep each, so yesterday I spent waiting for the breakdown, staying alert for tell-tale signs that soon someone would have to wipe my tears and put me to bed.

Last night was an adventure without really being an adventure. After our last day of work ended, all of the interns who were friends went back to Jenny's - another library intern - house, and we ended up just hanging out there. Those interns who were 21 went out and bought beer, and we all just hung out talking and watching the Olympics. It was a lot of fun, until it got to be around 10pm and I thought I should probably look up some bus schedules to figure out when I should leave. I was using Jenny's acer mini to look up the schedules and for some reason they showed up differently on her computer than they do on mine. On her browser, it looked like the latest bus from the College Park metro station onto the University of Maryland campus stopped running at 8pm on weeknights. I started getting worried so I had someone else look at it too, and they saw the same thing that I did. At this point I wasn't really freaking out yet, because I thought that I would be able to find someone in the College Park area who could pick me up from the metro station when I did end up leaving. Long story short, I was on the phone and twitter a lot trying to find a ride and kept coming up empty-handed. I finally called the UMD Nite-Ride service, and they told me that no, the bus is still running (crazy bitch). I made it to the metro at Union Station and caught a train at the last minute, and eventually made it back to my apartment a little after 12.

I felt ridiculous having made sort of a big deal about finding a ride and not wanting to stay in DC, but I know myself. I know it wouldn't have been a big deal if I'd ended up staying in DC for the night, I could have stayed with another intern and it would have been fine. I know that I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places though (I can't even sleep well in hotels), and I was already running on 6 hours of sleep since Sunday. I didn't want to get no sleep again, get up early to come back, then spend all day packing and then making a 2 hour drive back home (my internship ended yesterday, so now I'm going back home for August). At this point I don't really care anyway, because after I finally made it back, I got the sleep that I had been craving and actually feel somewhat rested now. I guess freaking out was worth it. And I didn't even have the break-down that I had been waiting for so anxiously. It all ended up alright.